Acting. Directing.

It's always been a secret pipe dream of mine to try out acting. I mean, who doesn't ever want to bask in their own narcissism and see themselves on a big screen? or medium screen? or... little one?

When amateur actors or my friends participate in my films, they're always a little uncertain and VERY self-conscious of their acting. They always say its not good enough, or that it feels awkward. The rolling camera makes everyone uncomfortable because they know they're being watched. In response to them, I always say "what are you worried about? you look great!" because in all honesty, they do. I never knew what the problem was, so I decided to try out acting to see what they are talking about.

Anyways, so I had the opportunity to act in Tim's final project for 120B. I was so excited that when he said "you'll be playing a whore" I immediately agreed. I don't think I heard "whore" too clearly. Anyways, So last night around 10:30 i went over to VDC to film my one scene. Apparently I was supposed to be raped by a vampire with short term memory and then mauled to death by a werewolf that makes horse noises.

It was all really fun but the most interesting part was that I was put into the position of an actor, something I'm not used to at all. I'm most comfortable behind the camera, where I know I can be in control of what happens in the frame. I had to learn to trust the director completely, memorize lines (which i forgot that actors were supposed to do), and also try and act comfortably despite how uncomfortable I felt on screen. I couldn't stop laughing when Nick (the vampire) had to push me into the alley. It was then when I realized I probably make a really bad prostitute. I had to think, "okay, think whore-y thoughts."

I always think of acting as a verbal subject, that all i had to do was express emotion through my lines and stay in sync with whoever is acting with me. The physical part was definitely the most difficult, because everyone who is acting wants to make it the best possible. It is really, really out of my comfort zone and I don't think I'll ever become an actress, but the experience was definitely worth it since it was a learning process. Hitchcock used to say how actors were only "cattle;" that they were stupid and you just had to place them where you wanted on your set. But I don't think Hitchcock ever acted outside of his own work; because thats when you learn perspective, and see what its like on the other side.

If I'm the actress, I'm not in control. But if I'm directing, I don't get to be seen. Like they say, the grass is always greener on the other side. But I feel that it really takes the courage and willingness to be able to step out of one's comfort zone to embrace the new and unknown.